Smoking Outside Under Attack

Seattle, WA. A recently passed Washington law requires smokers to stand 25 feet from public buildings. This law has recently come under attack from claustrophobics who claim they can no longer find clean air in wide open spaces.
“I don’t feel comfortable that close to walls”, explains Jeanne Hudson, “and now when I try to move away from them, there’s this haze of second hand smoke.” Rather than simply complain, Hudson has taken action. She plans to introduce an state initiative reducing the distance smokers must stand from 25 feet, to 15 feet, from any public building. Additionally, smokers will not be allowed more than 20 feet away from any free standing public structure.
“Claustrophobic non-smokers have the same rights as any non-smoker. We just want to make sure our rights aren’t trampled by those that would send smokers into our space.” Says Seattle city councilman Brett Smoots (D). Smoots has been publicly claustrophobic for nearly ten years, and have been a staunch advocate for claustrophobic rights. When asked how it would be possible to enforce narrow smoking areas, Hudson suggested painting “cancer zones” on parking lot and sidewalk areas where smoking was allowed. “Near the zones, the pavement can be painted yellow, for 80% likely to contract cancer from second hand smoke. The actual smoking zones themselves will be painted red, with skulls and crossbones, to represent the 99% likelihood of contracting cancer from standing in that area for more than a few seconds.”